Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i think i just lost a toe
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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