there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
