honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My penis needs a shock collar
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
