Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
