hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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