help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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