Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
