Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
