Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize