What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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