I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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