He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize