we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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