the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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