can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
