shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
