There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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