God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
