I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
