she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
