Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
