so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
