Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
