Where is the hickey?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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