May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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