I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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