Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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