definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
