Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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