Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
