whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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