right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
