life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
