I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
