rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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