I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize