oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
