Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
