i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
