end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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