I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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