i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
