I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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