Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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