I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
