Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
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Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I touched a dick in church today
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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