and you said cock pushups were impossible
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
