There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
