so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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