I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
