You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
