I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
oh god was she eating orange peels again
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He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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