youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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