if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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