i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
