she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
